Flop

“Mum! He said a rude word!”

“I DIDN’T!”

“He did, he said boobies.”

“I DIDN’T!”

“He did.”

On the balance of probabilities, my daughter was probably telling the truth about her brother.

She continued. “You shouldn’t say boobies. You should say breasts.”

I silently concluded that actually it was marginally more preferable that my four-year-old boy ran around shouting “BOOBIES!” rather than “BREASTS!” but even so felt compelled to suggest: “Well, maybe both of you should talk about something else.”

My girl looked at me scornfully.

“They are just part of our bodies, Mum.”

I felt suitably chastised*, and quite proud of my daughter’s display of maturity.

A moment later, I was slightly less proud of my son, who looked at her solemnly, considered the wisdom of her words, then turned to me and announced: “Yes, they are just part of our bodies, booby-head.” 

The little tit.

*Vocabulary addendum:

I went with chastised instead of my original choice of word, which was chastened - although the dictionary definition of the latter has a rather fine example of usage, considering the subject of this post: 

verb [trans.] (usu. be chastened) (of a reproof or misfortune) have a restraining or moderating effect on: the director was somewhat chastened by his recent flops.  

Having seen this, I will now be compelled, every single night when I take my bra off, to utter: “I am somewhat chastened by my recent flops.”

Big Joe Turner - Flip, Flop And Fly