Sunday, 1 April 2012


Sometimes my life resembles a sketch show. It’s a series of skits, complete with bad hair and repeated catchphrases.

Yesterday, we popped into the newsagent's to buy a magazine for my daughter and her little brother. The toddlinator spotted a Spiderman comic which came with a free gun, so that was him sorted. (I know, I know. It’s little wonder he’s a two foot tall ball of violence).

My daughter, however, struggled. When faced with too many choices, her brain starts to race, and she begins to panic. 

“They haven’t got a Hello Kitty one, Mum,” she said, her voice tinged with alarm.

“That’s OK,” I said, in my best calm and measured tone. “If there’s nothing you want, then I can give you your money for your money box and you can put it towards something nice.”

She considered this, turned away, and started rifling through the rack again.

I repeated my offer a couple of times, and I could see she was torn. She was shooting sidelong glances at her brother’s magazine, so I patiently explained that I would be giving her and her brother exactly the same amount of money, and that it was just that she would be saving it and he would be spending it.

Time passed. I give her a deadline. The deadline passed. My boy was getting itchy feet.

“Choose one now if you really want one, but don’t get one for the sake of it !” I warned. “Are you sure that’s the one you want?

She nodded, grabbed an I Love Ponies magazind (£3.99, for Shergar’s sake!) so we headed to the till. 

I checked again: “Are you absolutely sure that’s the one you want?” She nodded, solemnly. "I want that one."

We paid, left the shop, and walked back to the car. Just as she was about to get in, my girl looked at me, looked at her magazine, and declared: “Don’t like it.”

Lou and Andy, from Little Britain. That’s who we are. 

Video is an excerpt from Little Britain

Video is Lou Reed - Andy's Chest

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