Baster

Coffee and toast in the pub with the family always generates some belly laughs, especially if my daughter gets extra talkative after her special Saturday treat of half a pint of cloudy cider.

We were discussing Christmas presents, and how I’m a stingy aunty who cuts off her nieces and nephews at the age of 21. Seeing the horrified look on my girl’s face, I realise she thinks the 21-year-old rule might apply to her from next year. 

“No, just nieces and nephews, sweetheart - you’ll still get presents! And also, remember that some of your cousins have babies and now it’s the turn of the babies to get the presents.”

My daughter contemplates this information.

“Will you buy presents for my babies if I get married?”

“Yes, sweetheart, but remember you can’t have babies because you have Prader-Willi Syndrome.”

“But I could marry someone with babies.”

“Yes, that’s true.”

“I could marry a lady who’s pregnant.”

“That’s also true, although you’d have to have a very specific dating profile.”

More contemplation. My girl turns to her cousin Kate, sitting next to her.

“Kate, will you have babies?”

Kate grins and says that she hopes she will, ‘one day’.

Pause. And then a declaration from my girl that is loud enough to be heard over the piped sounds of All I Want For Christmas Is You:

“OK. What you need is...some sperm.”

Addendum:

“Yeah, you need to go to one of those places where you get your sperm from.”

Merry Christmas. And remember to baste your turkey.

Video is Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings performing some songs from their Christmas Album, which I've been playing while posting this. The final song [at 9:12], Big Bulbs (lyrics: 'Baby, you've got them big bulbs, baby you've got them big bulbs,") has sparked a whole other conversation...